His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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