Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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