Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
