she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
