im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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