I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
