Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
