i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
