So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
