Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
