Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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