Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
