I showed him my bush... on skype.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
