I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
