dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
