I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want to make out with him forever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
