At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
