Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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