my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize