He told me they were just razor bumps!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
