The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
