Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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