Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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