i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
