I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
