just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
