i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
