Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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