My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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