i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
