The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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