If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
