dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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