There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I die, sorry about rent.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
