its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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