She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
