I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
