shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
