Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
