I can text with my tongue
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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