Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
