i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
