when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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