I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
