Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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