While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
