Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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