I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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