Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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