I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
