I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
